Atomic Alps FZ Hoodie

I am looking at the hooks on my wall and I count eleven hoodies hanging there. I must own twice that many hoodies. I am a hoodie baller. I have more hoodies than friends. That doesn’t make me more qualified than anyone else to review a hoodie, but let’s just say I’ve thought about it. I don’t know why it’s spelled hoodie instead of hoody. Skimo says hoodie, so I say hoodie. I don’t have an Instagram account, but I definitely prefer the #hoodielife to #hoodylife.

There’s a hoodie spectrum: from “The Belichick” to the “Carhartt, to the “Dynafit Speed Thermal Hooded Jacket,” to [a bunch of stuff in between], to what might be the most expensive hooded thing at Skimo, the “Ortovox Col Becchei Jacket (~$320!).” You might be asking, when does a hoodie stop being a hoodie and start being a jacket with a hood? I don’t know. We may never know. If hoodie research continues to be underfunded, we’ll have to live with uncertainty. In my opinion, a hoodie has to be soft to be a hoodie. A shell with a hood is not a hoodie. If you’re having doubts, ask yourself: would I wear this hooded garment to bed? If the answer is yes, then it’s probably a hoodie.

So, about the “Atomic Alps FZ Hoodie.” It’s a ‘lifestyle’ piece. I prefer life, to lifestyle, but you’ve heard that all before. It’s a go-to hoodie. Dress it up. Dress it down. It goes with all the pants you own except for a couple that you never wear. It would look good in the Alps if you were planning to go. It’s flattering. For example, let’s suppose you’re aging and your shoulders are starting to droop: the FZ will make you look nine months younger, at least. The color is nice, especially if you’ve got ombre-blue eyes. And there’s some red trim to go with your eyes in case you’re an aspiring alcoholic. I had a strapping young fella ask me where I got my “Atomic Alps FZ Hoodie.” If that doesn’t rate five stars, I don’t know what does.

Imma start saving money for the Ortovox Col Becchei and let you know how it goes.